Rogues gallery of Warriors foes still can't win a title even if Dubs are out

Not everybody will eat in this era, but Golden State has grubbed heartily over the last decade.

There’s been a lotta basketball being played recently, even if it none of it has to do with the 2023-2024 Golden State Warriors, who were ultimately too injured or mid this year to make any true noise.

And for us here in the Golden Empire, that just won’t do. Wiggins Island was firebombed into listless passivity, Klay’s Boat took some bad winds and has been derelict at sea. Here in the HQ we wait in a bunker to hear word on Duby Dub Dubs’ return from deep in the bad lands as Apricot flashes Morse code from the lighthouse above ground.

I would not have imagined being nearly two years removed from a mighty championship parade in San Francisco that we would suddenly find ourselves wounded and confused as our aging Warriors have been chest booted from the throne with extreme prejudice.

Dreary times indeed. But as we huddle around each other, reappropriating our plethora of awards, trophies, and banners as an intricate style of Home Alone-style booby traps and barricades to the incoming hordes who have been waiting a decade for Golden State to show signs of being in the last stage of empiric rule, we can take solace in one thing.

Our team actually climbed to the mountain top and held it down for YEARS. Meanwhile, all those jabroni’s who were hating on us and praying for our downfall finally got the chance to go ahead and claim the championship without us in the way…and still can’t get more rings than Steph Curry.

Look at LeBron James and Kevin Durant: I recently wrote an article discussing their decline from the most feared hoopers in the world to desperate veteran players at the end of their careers getting turned into road kill by hungrier, better teams. There’s never been a better time for them to drop their pride and consolidate into Golden State’s franchise as one final roar from the OG’s against this new NBA that watched all their moves and took all their secrets to use.

But at least King James won 4 championships, while KD received two during his time as a mercenary for Golden State. What about those cats who have been hoping and wishing for the day when the Warriors were defanged so that they could finally get their shot at glory, and yet have nothing to show for it?!

Patrick Beverly

The first season after KD abandoned the Dubs, the Warriors had opening night in San Francisco at the brand spanking new Chase Center. Unfortunately, with no Durant and Klay out for the year with a knee injury, the Clippers stormed in and beat the heck out of the Dubs. That led to Curry antagonist Patrick Beverly claiming the next five seasons at the expense of the allegedly broken Dubs.

Well, wouldn’t you know that Beverly has not won a single championship in the five years since then?

In fact, in his latest failed attempt, he ended up hurling a basketball at a fan in the stands out of frustration.

To quote the Luniz, when it came to the seasons of post-KD Dubs, Beverly did not have five on it.

James Harden

Uhhhh wait I thought the best player in the world and former MVP James Harden would have hella rings by now, especially since the Warriors are out of the picture and he’s been going from superteam to superteam?!?

Folks the man got ran outta Houston after the Warriors eliminated him on a damn near yearly basis between 2015-2019. If you need a refresher, I made a music video about it!

But since then Harden demanded trades that led him to the Brooklyn Nets, Philadelphia 76ers, and Los Angeles Clippers.

Each one of those teams had serious championship buzz around them, including this year’s Clippers team.

In Harden, Westbrook and George, the Clippers now have three of the top six active players in points scored among those who have never won a title, according to ESPN Stats & Information research. With those three surrounding Leonard, a two-time NBA Finals MVP, the Clippers hope to win the first NBA championship in franchise history."

And yet here they are, ran out of the first round by Luka and Kyrie.

Russell Westbrook

Uhhhhhhh ain’t this the former MVP who was abandoned by KD in Oklahoma City after the Warriors broke their hearts in the 2016 Western Conference Finals? This dude went on to average triple-doubles season after season, teaming up with the likes of Carmelo Anthony, Paul George, James Harden, LeBron James and Anthony Davis.

NOT A TITLE TO SHOW FOR IT. HAS ANY PLAYER HAD MORE HELP OVER HIS CAREER THAN RUSSELL WESTBROOK?!

Bradley Beal

The year the Warriors won their first championship of the Splash Bro era, Wizards young gun Bradley Beal brashly asserted that he and star guard John Wall were the best backcourt in the league. In 2017 he doubled down on those claims:

In a post on his blog Friday, Beal asserted he and John Wall currently comprise the NBA's best backcourt. 

"If we want to be the best backcourt in the NBA, we've got to show up every night and prove it, constantly put the work in, and continue to challenge each other to get better," Beal wrote. 

"And that's how we feel right now. We are the best backcourt in the league. That's just the confidence and the approach that we have. We know that there's a handful of talented guards in the league, and we're not taking anything away from them. But we feel like we're the best backcourt, and you'll never hear us say anything different." 

Did this dude know the Splash Bros existed?! Better than Steph and Klay ARE YOU CRAZY MR. BEAL? (Side note: do you remember when half of the Warriors fanbase went absolutely mad in demanding the Warriors trade for Beal? I never understood that).

Anyways, this year he linked up with the aforementioned Durant and another star guard Devin Booker. According to his personal diary, Beal believed that this was the best chance in his career to finally compete for a championship:

To have an opportunity to win every night, it is different. It is something that I’ve asked for and it is kind of one of those things where this is what you asked for, now what are you going to do about it. This is an unbelievable opportunity that we all have.

An opportunity to win every night, and yet were swept out of the first round by the Phoenix Suns? Tough!