#7 Warriors stun #2 Rockets, win by double-digits in Houston in Game 1

PROBABLY JUST AN OFF NIGHT FOR THE ROX, HUH?

Mic check, is this thing on? Whats uppppp DUB NATION??? Whaddya wanna talk about today? Maybe the Golden State Warriors heading to Houston to face the #2 seed on Easter, and resurrecting all of the old fear in every Rockets’ fans heart? Also it was 4/20, and the Warriors rolled up Rockets’ head coach Ime Udoka gameplan and smoked it. SMOKIN’ ON THAT MID!

Let's be honest about what Game 1 revealed: this wasn't just another playoff upset – this was the continuation of a psychological horror franchise with the Warriors as the monster that Houston just can't kill. Golden State's 95-85 dismantling of the Rockets Golden State Of Mind wasn't just a basketball game; it was a historical pattern repeating itself with almost supernatural predictability.

Which iteration of the Houston Rockets are we supposed to fear again? The James Harden turnover machine? The 27-missed-threes-in-a-row collapse artists? The "we almost had them" Chris Paul squads? Every version of this franchise has been fed into the Golden State wood chipper, and Sunday night was just the latest installment featuring new victims with the same old ending.

The box score reads like a crime scene report. Fourteen team steals – that's not defense; that's grand larceny on national television. Jimmy Butler's FIVE steals, Draymond Green's 3, Brandin Podziemski and Gary Payton II each with two – this wasn't just winning; this was methodically dissecting a young team that thought regular season success translated to playoff readiness. Spoiler alert: it doesn't.

These young Rockets came in thinking their 82-game resume meant something, only to watch Stephen Curry casually drop 31 points on 12-of-19 shooting like he was taking a Sunday stroll through Hermann Park. When Houston desperately clawed back and cut the lead to four, Curry simply stepped into a casual 34-footer after receiving a pass from Podziemski. Bucket. As Jimmy Butler noted afterward, "He's done it time and time again." Yes, he has – particularly in that building, where Curry's playoff ghosts haunt every corner.

Remember when Curry scored ZERO points in the first half of Game 6 in 2019, and Houston STILL couldn't capitalize? This franchise has PTSD, and Curry keeps triggering the flashbacks. This time he brought reinforcements in Jimmy Butler (25 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 5 steals) who looked like he's been waiting his entire career to join this Warriors-Rockets bloodbath.

Meanwhile, Houston's backcourt looked like they were shooting at a carnival rim that was secretly bent. VanVleet went 4-for-19 with a horrific 2-of-13 from downtown. Jalen Green? A catastrophic 3-of-15 performance that had Houston fans checking if Toyota Center offers mid-game refunds. This is what happens when regular season highlights meet playoff realities.

The most delicious part? Houston did exactly what they were supposed to do on paper, outrebounding Golden State 52-36, including 22 offensive rebounds. Congratulations on winning the statistical battle that means absolutely nothing when you're shooting 39% and turning the ball over 16 times! It's like bringing a calculator to a gunfight.

The Warriors have now won a road game in 29 of their last 30 playoff series with Curry and Green. That's not coincidence; that's psychological dominance so complete it should be studied at MIT. Why work all season for home-court advantage when the Warriors can just walk into your living room in Game 1 and take it? The Toyota Center might as well install a welcome mat specifically for Curry at this point.

Of the 41 road playoff winsthe Warriors have played in the Curry era, they've held opponents under 90 points five times. Houston accounts for TWO of those performances, including last night's 85-point wheeze-out in front of their increasingly traumatized fanbase. It's not just winning anymore; it's Stockholm syndrome in team form.

The Jonathan Kuminga DNP-CD subplot feels almost cruel – like the Warriors are saying "we don't even need all our weapons to haunt this franchise." They have a former lottery pick and alleged future of the franchise riding the pine while Houston’s lottery picks and alleged future of their franchise are out there getting bodied by a 48-year old (give or take) Steph Curry! It's championship arrogance backed by championship receipts.

Game 2 on Wednesday isn't just must-win for Houston; it's existential. Because history tells us what happens when you let Curry, Green, and now Butler take a 2-0 lead back to Chase Center. Just ask any Houston fan – they've seen this movie before, and they know exactly how it ends: with Steph Curry grinning fiendishly as another generation of Rockets players joins the support group of those broken by the Golden dynasty.

Can't wait to see you for Game 2, Houston! Maybe this time will be different!